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Living in a Sad Quote
Title: Living in a Sad Quote
Chapter: Twenty-Three
Autor:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
eriiar
Pairing: Various. Main: Kyuhyun/Eunhyuk (eventually)
Genre: AU!High School, romance, Drama, angst
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Grammar errors... sorry~~~
Summary: Even when his life was miserable, Hyukjae still tried his best for being a normal High School student. Trying to smile all the time, sound happy and pretend to be ok is always tiring. He managed to get along with his new life... but his past is still following him. Destroying once again all that he loves.
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“I have a tickle in my brain. And it keeps making the corners of my mouth point toward the heavens.”
Hyukjae woke up feeling chaste kisses all around his face. “Kyu…” He called half moaning; not opening his eyes and instead of that rounding his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck.
“Happy Birthday my Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said giving soft kisses all around Hyukjae’s face.
Hyukjae tensed up and sighed after a few seconds. “Kyu?” He called restraining his tears from falling.
“Yes Hyuk?” Kyuhyun answered kissing Hyukjae’s nose.
“Can we stay like this forever?” Hyukjae asked innocently; parting away so he could look at the answer in Kyuhyun’s eyes.
Kyuhyun smiled. “We can.” He assured Hyukjae and the latter felt how his stomach was revolving.
Hyukjae hugged Kyuhyun tightly, as if wanting to disappear in the embrace; he didn’t want the day to arrive, he was afraid of what could happen. He wanted to cry and yell, but he knew it wouldn’t be any helpful. “I’m scared Kyu.” Hyukjae admitted and Kyuhyun hugged back.
“Why?” Kyuhyun asked softly and confused, smelling Hyukjae’s hair scent while rubbing his back.
Hyukjae’s eyes were teary and he felt a lump in his throat, making it hard for him to talk. Hyukjae said nothing and instead he just hugged Kyuhyun tighter.
“It’s okay.” Kyuhyun said softly. “Nothing’s wrong.” He continued rubbing Hyukjae’s back and giving some pecks once in a while; trying to at least make Hyukjae stop crying.
Hyukjae looked so vulnerable just in front of him; he didn’t know what was happening; he didn’t have any idea of what was happening; but he was sure he wanted all the pain to go away from the one he always loved. “Please Hyukkie…” Kyuhyun begged. “Tell me what’s wrong.” He pleaded and Hyukjae looked at him with lost eyes.
Kyuhyun was scared of what he saw in Hyukjae’s eyes; he couldn’t process how many emotions were running through them in that instant; he felt scared just by looking at those deep eyes; and he didn’t know why, he just felt like there was something really wrong going on.
“Should I?” Hyukjae asked almost in a whisper; his voice shaky because of crying.
“Please.” Kyuhyun asked rubbing lightly Hyukjae’s cheek.
“Today is my birthday.” Hyukjae said blankly and Kyuhyun knew this was the beginning of a painful memory for Hyukjae. He cursed himself for making the latter remember anything he did. “Six years ago…” Hyukjae trailed off cuddling himself in Kyuhyun’s chest in search of something that could secure him.
Kyuhyun kissed Hyukjae’s forehead before closing his eyes and letting all his emotions go through his heart so Hyukjae could feel them. “I’m here with you okay?” Kyuhyun assured and Hyukjae just nodded lightly.
“I-I had a boyfriend six years ago.” Hyukjae said softly and Kyuhyun couldn’t help but feel there was something wrong. “I really loved him; and he was my first love.” Hyukjae admitted.
Kyuhyun felt like something was burning inside his chest; he was sad and mad that he wasn’t Hyukjae’s first love as Hyukjae was for him; but he couldn’t deny he was actually very happy of having Hyukjae by his side now.
“But he became really possessive.” Hyukjae’s voice cracked and Kyuhyun hugged him tightly; Hyukjae sighed before closing his eyes. “So I broke up with him a week before my birthday.” Hyukjae said now sobbing louder.
“It’s okay Hyukkie…” Kyuhyun tried to calm him down; his heart suddenly beating fast and suddenly feeling annoyed and mad at that.
Hyukjae shook his head and pulled out of Kyuhyun’s embrace just to see at the latter’s eyes. “It wasn’t okay…” He said looking helpless. Kyuhyun couldn’t help but feel useless; he couldn’t do anything to make Hyukjae smile again like always.
Hyukjae sat down on the bed, the sheets covering his body and so did Kyuhyun; they sat one in front of another; looking at each other intently; Hyukjae’s eyes as if begging for something Kyuhyun couldn’t think of; he was so damn scared of how the story would go.
“He became a monster because of me.” Hyukjae said looking down and letting his tears keep on falling; Kyuhyun grabbed the sheets as if for taking the strength to not yell and say hurtful things. “He was so nice and pure; and he became a monster after me.” Hyukjae continued taking long breathes. “This is hard Kyu…” He admitted and Kyuhyun could only take his hand and squeeze it lightly.
“You don’t have to tell me now.” Kyuhyun said softly; he was actually scared of knowing how much Hyukjae had suffered in this time; he was afraid he couldn’t protect the latter in the future. But he was even more afraid Hyukjae could keep on suffering like that.
Hyukjae shook his head lightly. “I really want you to know Kyu.” He said looking at Kyuhyun’s eyes. “I need you to know who I really am before its too late.”
“I know who you really are Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said looking at Hyukjae’s eyes as if begging for him to believe in his words. “You’re the love of my life and I won’t let you go away because I need you with me to live.”
Hyukjae smiled bitterly. “His name was Junsu.” Hyukjae said and Kyuhyun’s mind became chaotic; he remembered that name; he just couldn’t figure out who that guy really was. Hyukjae looked down. “He told me if I didn’t stay with him I would regret it after.” Hyukjae looked away. “And I did.”
“Hyuk-“
“It was because I was selfish and I didn’t want to stay with him that my whole family suffered!” Hyukjae almost yelled.
“Hyuk-” Kyuhyun called; but the look of Hyukjae’s eyes scared him. He wanted to rip those feelings apart.
“Because I didn’t want to stay with him he killed my parents six years ago.” Hyukjae said and there was a huge nothing in his eyes. Kyuhyun felt even more scared. “Everything started in my birthday; my parents were killed; then my sisters; for the whole week, my family kept on being killed and I was useless while being in a police station; being guarded by those detectives that wouldn’t allow me to see any of my family members.”
“Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun simply called hugging Hyukjae tightly; not minding the sheet was no longer covering him; he just wanted to hug Hyukjae; he felt it was the only thing he could do. “It wasn’t your fault.” He said
“It was…” Hyukjae sobbed hugging Kyuhyun back and feeling his heart’s weight fall all over his chest. “And t hurts me Kyu… It hurts so much I think I won’t be able to go on anymore…”
“Don’t talk like that!” Kyuhyun suddenly yelled making Hyukjae frozen in his spot. Kyuhyun shook his shoulders as to make him again his consciousness and trying to make the latter understand what he really meant. “I feel so bad because you have suffered enough in your life Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said firmly and softly at the same time. “But it’s not fair for you to keep torturing like this anymore! You can’t keep on thinking it was your fault when it wasn’t!”
“K-Kyu…” Hyukjae could only look at Kyuhyun’s firm eyes.
“Were you the one who shot the gun that killed your family Hyukkie?!” Kyuhyun asked and he knew he was being harsh; but he couldn’t let Hyukjae to carry on with that burden forever; it has been six years and he had just have enough from that; Kyuhyun couldn’t imagine the great pain he went through.
Hyukjae shook his head weakly. “B-But Because of me-“
“It wasn’t because of you Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun snapped back. “It was because Junsu was crazy and he couldn’t accept the fact that he lost!”
Hyukjae opened his eyes widely. “K-Kyu…”
“It’s okay if you feel sorry Hyukkie; because he was your boyfriend; but you have to know I won’t ever let you take the blame for what happened six years ago.” Kyuhyun said firmly and Hyukjae found himself nodding lightly and feeling lighter than ever. “I won’t let you feel sad anymore. So please Hyukkie…” Kyuhyun begged. “Please promise me you won’t blame you for that and that you will be happy by my side.”
Hyukjae smiled weakly and reached foe Kyuhyun’s cheek with his hands; rubbing it weakly as his eyes landed in Kyuhyun’s lips. “I don’t know if I should thank Junsu…” He said slowly. “Because it was because of what he did that I met you.”
Kyuhyun smiled and took Hyukjae’s hand; he kissed it gently before looking at Hyukjae’s eyes. “And I won’t ever let you go away from me again.” He said and he was relief when he couldn’t find the extreme sadness that came from Hyukjae’s eyes anymore.
“Thanks Kyu…” Hyukjae said weakly. “Thanks to you I still have the hope of living…”
“Don’t talk like that.” Kyuhyun said serious. “You won’t leave my side and I won’t leave you. Stop saying things like that.” Kyuhyun felt scared when a bitter smiled crossed Hyukjae’s lips.
“I’m sorry Kyu…” Hyukjae said sincerely. “I’m sorry because I might not be able to comply that fully.”
Kyuhyun felt like the most vulnerable being ever; he felt lost with Hyukjae’s words. “W-What are you talking about Hyukkie?” He asked softly as trying to believe he heard wrong.
“I’m sick Kyu.” Hyukjae finally said and Kyuhyun’s heart stopped.
“Being sick doesn’t mean I will leave your side Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said nervously. “So please don’t talk like that.”
Hyukjae shook his head and took both of Kyuhyun’s hands with his. “I’m really sorry Kyu.” He said apologetic and his eyes already forming tears.
“Don’t be like this Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun almost yelled. “You’re scaring me!” His eyes were teary as well. “I just found you back and I won’t lose you again! NEVER!”
“I have a mortal sickness Kyu.” Hyukjae tried to explain but Kyuhyun shut his eyes tight and shook his head as a little child that doesn’t want to hear bad news.
“Please don’t Hyukkie…” He begged but Hyukjae was determined in letting Kyuhyun know about his condition; it wasn’t fair for the latter to not know anything.
“A blood disease that eats my condition slowly; I won’t be able to be with you for a lot of time…”
“Stop it Hyuk!” Kyuhyun yelled. “You won’t die and we won’t separate ever! We will be always together! We will create precious memories and keep them in our hearts; we will always be friends with everybody and we will get old; together!”
Hyukjae smiled; this time it was a sincere one. “Will we?” He asked hoping the answer would be a yes.
“Of course we will Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun said hugging Hyukjae tightly and letting the latter shed all the tears he had in his heart. “Cry everything you have today Hyukkie.” He said softly. “Because I wish from now on all I can see in your face will be a smile”
Hyukjae chuckled. Today is my birthday. He remembered and tensed up. Alexander.
“Don’t be nervous Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said as if reading his mind. “There won’t happen anything today; I’ll be here with you the whole time okay?” He asked smiling softly but Hyukjae was just so nervous he was afraid his words didn’t reach Hyukjae. “Hyukkie?” Kyuhyun called and Hyukjae turned to see him.
Hyukjae was blank, afraid; but he didn’t feel any longer; it was as if all the intense feelings in the past became one and now he was immune to that; he was now afraid he wouldn’t be able to feel anymore; he looked at Kyuhyun and felt relieved when he felt how great his love was for the latter.
“If I ask you to stay by my side until I die…” Hyukjae trailed off and ignored Kyuhyun’s painful and sad expression. “And then be happy…” He gulped the lump in his throat. “Would you do it?”
Kyuhyun hugged Hyukjae tightly and tears started going out his cheeks. “I wouldn’t be able to be happy without you Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said with his shaky voice. “So please don’t leave me ever.” He begged and Hyukjae’s tears starts going out when he felt all his barriers being crossed by Kyuhyun’s feelings.
Hyukjae cried hard; as hard as he didn’t do in a long time; he would just feel lighter and heavier at the same time in Kyuhyun’s embrace. Hyukjae clenched on Kyuhyun’s shirt as for support; he kept on crying for almost an hour; and Kyuhyun would always be there; not weakening his hold in Hyukjae; saying comforting words so the latter would feel calmer.
“Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.”
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“How do you feel now Hyukkie?” Kyuhyun asked kissing Hyukjae’s forehead.
Hyukjae had his eyes closed the whole time; he opened them just to see a worried Kyuhyun. “Better.” He answered with a weak smile.
“Don’ lie to me Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said softly caressing Hyukjae’s cheek. “I know you better than that.”
“I’m so scared Kyu.” Hyukjae admitted.
“It’s okay Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun hugged him tightly. “Why don’t we go and take a shower? Then I will take you somewhere okay?” He asked trying to make Hyukjae feel better.
Hyukjae nodded and sat down in the bed lazily; he took one of the bed sheets and covered his body with it until Kyuhyun grabbed his wrist. “Kyu?” Hyukjae called when he saw Kyuhyun looking at him intently.
“I said we should take a shower.” Kyuhyun said smirking. “Not by our own.”
Hyukjae blushed and stepped back; looking at Kyuhyun’s lusted eyes. “K-Kyu?” He called nervously. “What are you thinking?”
Kyuhyun chuckled. “Nothing wrong.” He answered simply when he stood up too and was now dangerously close to Hyukjae. “Let’s go.” He said with a playful smile in his face while dragging Hyukjae with him towards the bathroom.
“Relax Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun whispered in Hyukjae’s ears as the water was pouting all over them.
Kyuhyun was hugging Hyukjae from behind; his hands firmly holding on Hyukjae’s waist and the water falling on their naked bodies.
“It’s hard to relax when we are like this.” Hyukjae said blushing and looking away even when Kyuhyun wasn’t seeing him directly.
“I’m here with you.” Kyuhyun said giving a soft kiss in Hyukjae’s shoulder. “So you should feel relax just because of that Hyukkie.”
“I should.” Hyukjae repeated and then he turned around; rounding his arms in Kyuhyun’s neck. “But I don’t know what to do since I learnt you were a pervert Kyu.”
Kyuhyun pouted and faked to be hurt. “I’m not that pervert Hyukkie.” He said even when his hands were going down slowly; not in Hyukjae’s waist anymore.
“Urgh Kyu!” Hyukjae scolded when Kyuhyun squeezed his butt cheeks. “Yes you are!” He said frowning lightly.
“Okay I am.” Kyuhyun admitted leaning closer to Hyukjae. “But who wouldn’t when I have the most beautiful person with me?”
Hyukjae blushed. “Let’s just finish showering okay Kyu?” He asked hopeful.
Kyuhyun smirked. “I’m not that sure of that.” He said finally capturing Hyukjae’s lips hungrily with his. “Oh Hyukkie.” He exclaimed when they parted away. “I can’t believe I love you so much.”
Hyukjae smiled warmly. “I love you too Kyu.” He said caressing Kyuhyun’s cheeks. “So much I could give up on everything just for me to be by your side.”
Kyuhyun smiled back. “Let’s always be together Hyukkie.” He said hugging Hyukjae lovingly. “Let’s never part away again; my life was a living hell without you by my side, I thought I would die just because I couldn’t see you.” Kyuhyun’s voice started to crack remembering those times. “I swore I wouldn’t let you go again if I ever saw you again.”
“Then you have to keep on that promise Kyu.” Hyukjae said smiling and giving Kyuhyun a soft kiss in his lips.
“Do not suppress it-that would hurt you inside. Do not express it-this would not only hurt you inside, it would cause ripples in your surroundings. What you do is transform it.”
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When Hyukjae and Kyuhyun stepped out of the bathroom; they decided to just change themselves and go have some breakfast.
The day went like that; even when Hyukjae couldn’t find calmness; Kyuhyun would make sure to distract him however he could.
It was already darkening and Hyukjae was even more nervous that ever; he kept on throwing up and he definitely didn’t know what to do. He called Heechul and Leeteuk a thousand times asking if they were fine; he couldn’t help but feel alarmed even when the latter told him they were perfectly fine.
“It’s okay Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun made sure to say every time Hyukjae went to throw up and called the others. “Nothing’s going to happen.”
How can I be sure nothing will happen? Hyukjae would ask every time in his mind.
The day was darkening and Hyukjae would just feel worst; he just wanted the day to go by without him noticing; by that time, he already had some hopes Alexander didn’t mean what he said. Maybe he was just over reacting.
Hyukjae’s hopes proved wrong when his cell phone rang; revealing the only number he had saved there.
Alexander.
“I didn’t know you changed your phone Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said trying to lift the mood when he noticed Hyukjae froze completely; tension all written in his face as his shaky hand grabbed the ringing object.
I didn’t. Hyukjae wanted to answer; but he couldn’t.
Hyukjae pressed the answer button and took the object to his ear slowly; as if not wanting anything to be said through it. He couldn’t help but panic when Kyuhyun’s cell phone rang at the same time they were there.
“H-Hello?” Hyukjae answered nervously; his voice coming out as a mere whisper; his heart beating as fast as possible. Hyukjae’s body hurt, his disease made him hurt every time the normal conditions of his body were disturbed. And being all tensed up as Hyukjae was, was enough for his body to ache completely, his blood seemed to be heavier than usual. Hyukjae could feel the pain in his arms and legs, knowing his blood was sick and his body wouldn’t last long enough as to keep on going.
Minho said him he had at least ten years more of living; but Hyukjae knew better; those years became months and weeks as time passed without him getting treatment.
“Hey Hyukjae.” The other line said calmly and mockingly at the same time; Hyukjae’s breathing because hurtful as he heard Kyuhyun’s conversation too.
“What do you want Onew?” Kyuhyun asked annoyed while peeking at Hyukjae’s tensed body. “WHAT?!” He exclaimed standing up abruptly and looking at Hyukjae puzzle.
“I think by this time he already knows.” Alexander said laughing when he heard Kyuhyun’s yells.
“W-What’s happening?” Hyukjae asked lowly not only to Alexander, but to Kyuhyun too.
“Do you want me to tell you or should I let your boyfriend do it for me?” Alexander laughed again and Hyukjae looked at Kyuhyun’s horrified face.
“Go get them!” Kyuhyun yelled by the phone. “Find them NOW!” He ordered hysterically.
“K-Kyu?” Hyukjae called feeling his stomach revolve and his legs were no longer responding him. Kyuhyun just threw a peek on him and turned once again to give orders by the phone “Kyu! Please tell me what’s happening!” He whined when he heard no response from Kyuhyun; panic all written in his face as his body anticipated the answer.
“I’ll tell you this Hyuk.” Alexander said and Hyukjae just stayed silent; frozen in his own spot. “Come with me and everything’s going to be alright.” He said chuckling and Hyukjae just opened his eyes widely. “Do you hear that?” Alexander asked and Hyukjae’s heart stopped.
“Hyung!” Hyukjae could hear a voice calling from the other side of the phone, more like crying; a painfully familiar voice.
“R-Ryeowook…” Hyukjae murmured with tears already forming in his eyes. “What are you doing to him?!” Hyukjae screamed desperately.
“Nothing… for now. He’s stronger than he seems to be…” Alexander said and Hyukjae clinched his fist in anger and desperation. “But here’s my favorite!” Alexander squealed and Hyukjae narrowed his eyes; trying to focus and not letting his body take over him.
“Yah!” Hyukjae opened his eyes widely when he heard Heechul’s voice.
“Umma!” Hyukjae yelled frustrated he could do nothing right in that moment.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” Heechul yelled annoyed and Hyukjae couldn’t manage to picture what was exactly happening. “Yah! Ahh!” Hyukjae’s heart skip a beat. Heechul’s screams of pain when enough as for decide he would do anything just to keep them fine.
“STOP IT!” Hyukjae yelled calling Kyuhyun’s attention that looked at him worried and panicked at the same time. “Just tell me what do I have to do and I’ll do it!” Hyukjae said with tears already falling all over his cheeks.
“Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun called when he heard Hyukjae’s sentence. “Don’t-”
“I’ll do it.” Hyukjae said and he could only feel Kyuhyun’s hands on his shoulder; shaking him lightly as if trying to wake him up. “I’ll be there.”
“No Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun yelled when Hyukjae ended the call. “You won’t go anywhere!” He yelled grabbing Hyukjae’s wrist and holding him tightly. “I won’t let you go never!”
“I have to go Kyu…” Hyukjae murmured trying to release himself.
Kyuhyun felt scared by Hyukjae’s blank look; it was as if Hyukjae just sold his soul to the devil. “Hyukkie…” Kyuhyun called softly; he was worried like hell too. “I already have thousands of men looking for them; you don’t have to do this!”
“It is my fault Kyuhyun!” Hyukjae yelled finally crying out loud. “This wouldn’t be happening if I would make the right things!”
“Hyuk-”
“Let me go Kyuhyun.” Hyukjae threatened and Kyuhyun found himself releasing Hyukjae’s wrist. Scared by Hyukjae’s eyes that told him he would never see him again. “Please stay here.” Hyukjae said looking down at his hands. “I’m sorry Kyu.” He turned up again to face Kyuhyun; his eyes full of tears as he leaned closer to kiss Kyuhyun in the lips. “But I really want you to be fine.”
That kiss tasted like fire. Kyuhyun’s heart burnt when he felt Hyukjae was greeting him goodbye; he couldn’t help but feel scared that that kiss felt like the last kiss they would ever have. A warm tear fell down from Kyuhyun’s eyes as his hands made his way to Hyukjae’s waist; as if not wanting to let the latter go ever. But that kiss too, was the thing that made Kyuhyun decide he wasn’t going to let Hyukjae go just like that. He decided in that right moment that he was going fight for his love and that for the very first time; he would be the one protecting Hyukjae.
“I will go with you.” Kyuhyun said not letting Hyukjae’s body get away from his. “If I can’t make you stay; I will go.”
“No Kyu-”
“I don’t mind and you won’t change my mind.” Kyuhyun said firmly. “Please Hyukkie…” He pleaded. “Being without you is like a living hell; I would prefer to die before being without you…”
“Don’t say that Kyu…” Hyukjae cried. “You’re healthy and have a life ahead. Please promise me you will live happily.”
“I don’t.” Kyuhyun said. “Because I would lie to you.” He said now taking Hyukjae’s hands. “Let’s go.” He ordered and Hyukjae decided there was no time to lose; he just nodded and prayed for Kyuhyun to be okay.
“Thanks Kyu.” Hyukjae said softly as Kyuhyun drove as fast as he could towards the place Hyukjae was avoiding for six years.
“There no way I will lose you Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said as he focused in the road; dodging cars and going as fast as he could. “Not again.” He said firmly while his hand squeezed Hyukjae’s.
"When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity."
A/N: I'll update next chapter sooner that you think!! keke
Enjoy reading!
Short chapter I know~~ but I'll update soon so that's good right?
^^'
thanks for reading!!
LOVE YA~~
Chapter: Twenty-Three
Autor:
eriiarPairing: Various. Main: Kyuhyun/Eunhyuk (eventually)
Genre: AU!High School, romance, Drama, angst
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Grammar errors... sorry~~~
Summary: Even when his life was miserable, Hyukjae still tried his best for being a normal High School student. Trying to smile all the time, sound happy and pretend to be ok is always tiring. He managed to get along with his new life... but his past is still following him. Destroying once again all that he loves.
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“I have a tickle in my brain. And it keeps making the corners of my mouth point toward the heavens.”
Hyukjae woke up feeling chaste kisses all around his face. “Kyu…” He called half moaning; not opening his eyes and instead of that rounding his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck.
“Happy Birthday my Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said giving soft kisses all around Hyukjae’s face.
Hyukjae tensed up and sighed after a few seconds. “Kyu?” He called restraining his tears from falling.
“Yes Hyuk?” Kyuhyun answered kissing Hyukjae’s nose.
“Can we stay like this forever?” Hyukjae asked innocently; parting away so he could look at the answer in Kyuhyun’s eyes.
Kyuhyun smiled. “We can.” He assured Hyukjae and the latter felt how his stomach was revolving.
Hyukjae hugged Kyuhyun tightly, as if wanting to disappear in the embrace; he didn’t want the day to arrive, he was afraid of what could happen. He wanted to cry and yell, but he knew it wouldn’t be any helpful. “I’m scared Kyu.” Hyukjae admitted and Kyuhyun hugged back.
“Why?” Kyuhyun asked softly and confused, smelling Hyukjae’s hair scent while rubbing his back.
Hyukjae’s eyes were teary and he felt a lump in his throat, making it hard for him to talk. Hyukjae said nothing and instead he just hugged Kyuhyun tighter.
“It’s okay.” Kyuhyun said softly. “Nothing’s wrong.” He continued rubbing Hyukjae’s back and giving some pecks once in a while; trying to at least make Hyukjae stop crying.
Hyukjae looked so vulnerable just in front of him; he didn’t know what was happening; he didn’t have any idea of what was happening; but he was sure he wanted all the pain to go away from the one he always loved. “Please Hyukkie…” Kyuhyun begged. “Tell me what’s wrong.” He pleaded and Hyukjae looked at him with lost eyes.
Kyuhyun was scared of what he saw in Hyukjae’s eyes; he couldn’t process how many emotions were running through them in that instant; he felt scared just by looking at those deep eyes; and he didn’t know why, he just felt like there was something really wrong going on.
“Should I?” Hyukjae asked almost in a whisper; his voice shaky because of crying.
“Please.” Kyuhyun asked rubbing lightly Hyukjae’s cheek.
“Today is my birthday.” Hyukjae said blankly and Kyuhyun knew this was the beginning of a painful memory for Hyukjae. He cursed himself for making the latter remember anything he did. “Six years ago…” Hyukjae trailed off cuddling himself in Kyuhyun’s chest in search of something that could secure him.
Kyuhyun kissed Hyukjae’s forehead before closing his eyes and letting all his emotions go through his heart so Hyukjae could feel them. “I’m here with you okay?” Kyuhyun assured and Hyukjae just nodded lightly.
“I-I had a boyfriend six years ago.” Hyukjae said softly and Kyuhyun couldn’t help but feel there was something wrong. “I really loved him; and he was my first love.” Hyukjae admitted.
Kyuhyun felt like something was burning inside his chest; he was sad and mad that he wasn’t Hyukjae’s first love as Hyukjae was for him; but he couldn’t deny he was actually very happy of having Hyukjae by his side now.
“But he became really possessive.” Hyukjae’s voice cracked and Kyuhyun hugged him tightly; Hyukjae sighed before closing his eyes. “So I broke up with him a week before my birthday.” Hyukjae said now sobbing louder.
“It’s okay Hyukkie…” Kyuhyun tried to calm him down; his heart suddenly beating fast and suddenly feeling annoyed and mad at that.
Hyukjae shook his head and pulled out of Kyuhyun’s embrace just to see at the latter’s eyes. “It wasn’t okay…” He said looking helpless. Kyuhyun couldn’t help but feel useless; he couldn’t do anything to make Hyukjae smile again like always.
Hyukjae sat down on the bed, the sheets covering his body and so did Kyuhyun; they sat one in front of another; looking at each other intently; Hyukjae’s eyes as if begging for something Kyuhyun couldn’t think of; he was so damn scared of how the story would go.
“He became a monster because of me.” Hyukjae said looking down and letting his tears keep on falling; Kyuhyun grabbed the sheets as if for taking the strength to not yell and say hurtful things. “He was so nice and pure; and he became a monster after me.” Hyukjae continued taking long breathes. “This is hard Kyu…” He admitted and Kyuhyun could only take his hand and squeeze it lightly.
“You don’t have to tell me now.” Kyuhyun said softly; he was actually scared of knowing how much Hyukjae had suffered in this time; he was afraid he couldn’t protect the latter in the future. But he was even more afraid Hyukjae could keep on suffering like that.
Hyukjae shook his head lightly. “I really want you to know Kyu.” He said looking at Kyuhyun’s eyes. “I need you to know who I really am before its too late.”
“I know who you really are Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said looking at Hyukjae’s eyes as if begging for him to believe in his words. “You’re the love of my life and I won’t let you go away because I need you with me to live.”
Hyukjae smiled bitterly. “His name was Junsu.” Hyukjae said and Kyuhyun’s mind became chaotic; he remembered that name; he just couldn’t figure out who that guy really was. Hyukjae looked down. “He told me if I didn’t stay with him I would regret it after.” Hyukjae looked away. “And I did.”
“Hyuk-“
“It was because I was selfish and I didn’t want to stay with him that my whole family suffered!” Hyukjae almost yelled.
“Hyuk-” Kyuhyun called; but the look of Hyukjae’s eyes scared him. He wanted to rip those feelings apart.
“Because I didn’t want to stay with him he killed my parents six years ago.” Hyukjae said and there was a huge nothing in his eyes. Kyuhyun felt even more scared. “Everything started in my birthday; my parents were killed; then my sisters; for the whole week, my family kept on being killed and I was useless while being in a police station; being guarded by those detectives that wouldn’t allow me to see any of my family members.”
“Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun simply called hugging Hyukjae tightly; not minding the sheet was no longer covering him; he just wanted to hug Hyukjae; he felt it was the only thing he could do. “It wasn’t your fault.” He said
“It was…” Hyukjae sobbed hugging Kyuhyun back and feeling his heart’s weight fall all over his chest. “And t hurts me Kyu… It hurts so much I think I won’t be able to go on anymore…”
“Don’t talk like that!” Kyuhyun suddenly yelled making Hyukjae frozen in his spot. Kyuhyun shook his shoulders as to make him again his consciousness and trying to make the latter understand what he really meant. “I feel so bad because you have suffered enough in your life Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said firmly and softly at the same time. “But it’s not fair for you to keep torturing like this anymore! You can’t keep on thinking it was your fault when it wasn’t!”
“K-Kyu…” Hyukjae could only look at Kyuhyun’s firm eyes.
“Were you the one who shot the gun that killed your family Hyukkie?!” Kyuhyun asked and he knew he was being harsh; but he couldn’t let Hyukjae to carry on with that burden forever; it has been six years and he had just have enough from that; Kyuhyun couldn’t imagine the great pain he went through.
Hyukjae shook his head weakly. “B-But Because of me-“
“It wasn’t because of you Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun snapped back. “It was because Junsu was crazy and he couldn’t accept the fact that he lost!”
Hyukjae opened his eyes widely. “K-Kyu…”
“It’s okay if you feel sorry Hyukkie; because he was your boyfriend; but you have to know I won’t ever let you take the blame for what happened six years ago.” Kyuhyun said firmly and Hyukjae found himself nodding lightly and feeling lighter than ever. “I won’t let you feel sad anymore. So please Hyukkie…” Kyuhyun begged. “Please promise me you won’t blame you for that and that you will be happy by my side.”
Hyukjae smiled weakly and reached foe Kyuhyun’s cheek with his hands; rubbing it weakly as his eyes landed in Kyuhyun’s lips. “I don’t know if I should thank Junsu…” He said slowly. “Because it was because of what he did that I met you.”
Kyuhyun smiled and took Hyukjae’s hand; he kissed it gently before looking at Hyukjae’s eyes. “And I won’t ever let you go away from me again.” He said and he was relief when he couldn’t find the extreme sadness that came from Hyukjae’s eyes anymore.
“Thanks Kyu…” Hyukjae said weakly. “Thanks to you I still have the hope of living…”
“Don’t talk like that.” Kyuhyun said serious. “You won’t leave my side and I won’t leave you. Stop saying things like that.” Kyuhyun felt scared when a bitter smiled crossed Hyukjae’s lips.
“I’m sorry Kyu…” Hyukjae said sincerely. “I’m sorry because I might not be able to comply that fully.”
Kyuhyun felt like the most vulnerable being ever; he felt lost with Hyukjae’s words. “W-What are you talking about Hyukkie?” He asked softly as trying to believe he heard wrong.
“I’m sick Kyu.” Hyukjae finally said and Kyuhyun’s heart stopped.
“Being sick doesn’t mean I will leave your side Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said nervously. “So please don’t talk like that.”
Hyukjae shook his head and took both of Kyuhyun’s hands with his. “I’m really sorry Kyu.” He said apologetic and his eyes already forming tears.
“Don’t be like this Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun almost yelled. “You’re scaring me!” His eyes were teary as well. “I just found you back and I won’t lose you again! NEVER!”
“I have a mortal sickness Kyu.” Hyukjae tried to explain but Kyuhyun shut his eyes tight and shook his head as a little child that doesn’t want to hear bad news.
“Please don’t Hyukkie…” He begged but Hyukjae was determined in letting Kyuhyun know about his condition; it wasn’t fair for the latter to not know anything.
“A blood disease that eats my condition slowly; I won’t be able to be with you for a lot of time…”
“Stop it Hyuk!” Kyuhyun yelled. “You won’t die and we won’t separate ever! We will be always together! We will create precious memories and keep them in our hearts; we will always be friends with everybody and we will get old; together!”
Hyukjae smiled; this time it was a sincere one. “Will we?” He asked hoping the answer would be a yes.
“Of course we will Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun said hugging Hyukjae tightly and letting the latter shed all the tears he had in his heart. “Cry everything you have today Hyukkie.” He said softly. “Because I wish from now on all I can see in your face will be a smile”
Hyukjae chuckled. Today is my birthday. He remembered and tensed up. Alexander.
“Don’t be nervous Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said as if reading his mind. “There won’t happen anything today; I’ll be here with you the whole time okay?” He asked smiling softly but Hyukjae was just so nervous he was afraid his words didn’t reach Hyukjae. “Hyukkie?” Kyuhyun called and Hyukjae turned to see him.
Hyukjae was blank, afraid; but he didn’t feel any longer; it was as if all the intense feelings in the past became one and now he was immune to that; he was now afraid he wouldn’t be able to feel anymore; he looked at Kyuhyun and felt relieved when he felt how great his love was for the latter.
“If I ask you to stay by my side until I die…” Hyukjae trailed off and ignored Kyuhyun’s painful and sad expression. “And then be happy…” He gulped the lump in his throat. “Would you do it?”
Kyuhyun hugged Hyukjae tightly and tears started going out his cheeks. “I wouldn’t be able to be happy without you Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said with his shaky voice. “So please don’t leave me ever.” He begged and Hyukjae’s tears starts going out when he felt all his barriers being crossed by Kyuhyun’s feelings.
Hyukjae cried hard; as hard as he didn’t do in a long time; he would just feel lighter and heavier at the same time in Kyuhyun’s embrace. Hyukjae clenched on Kyuhyun’s shirt as for support; he kept on crying for almost an hour; and Kyuhyun would always be there; not weakening his hold in Hyukjae; saying comforting words so the latter would feel calmer.
“Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.”
-----------------------
“How do you feel now Hyukkie?” Kyuhyun asked kissing Hyukjae’s forehead.
Hyukjae had his eyes closed the whole time; he opened them just to see a worried Kyuhyun. “Better.” He answered with a weak smile.
“Don’ lie to me Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said softly caressing Hyukjae’s cheek. “I know you better than that.”
“I’m so scared Kyu.” Hyukjae admitted.
“It’s okay Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun hugged him tightly. “Why don’t we go and take a shower? Then I will take you somewhere okay?” He asked trying to make Hyukjae feel better.
Hyukjae nodded and sat down in the bed lazily; he took one of the bed sheets and covered his body with it until Kyuhyun grabbed his wrist. “Kyu?” Hyukjae called when he saw Kyuhyun looking at him intently.
“I said we should take a shower.” Kyuhyun said smirking. “Not by our own.”
Hyukjae blushed and stepped back; looking at Kyuhyun’s lusted eyes. “K-Kyu?” He called nervously. “What are you thinking?”
Kyuhyun chuckled. “Nothing wrong.” He answered simply when he stood up too and was now dangerously close to Hyukjae. “Let’s go.” He said with a playful smile in his face while dragging Hyukjae with him towards the bathroom.
“Relax Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun whispered in Hyukjae’s ears as the water was pouting all over them.
Kyuhyun was hugging Hyukjae from behind; his hands firmly holding on Hyukjae’s waist and the water falling on their naked bodies.
“It’s hard to relax when we are like this.” Hyukjae said blushing and looking away even when Kyuhyun wasn’t seeing him directly.
“I’m here with you.” Kyuhyun said giving a soft kiss in Hyukjae’s shoulder. “So you should feel relax just because of that Hyukkie.”
“I should.” Hyukjae repeated and then he turned around; rounding his arms in Kyuhyun’s neck. “But I don’t know what to do since I learnt you were a pervert Kyu.”
Kyuhyun pouted and faked to be hurt. “I’m not that pervert Hyukkie.” He said even when his hands were going down slowly; not in Hyukjae’s waist anymore.
“Urgh Kyu!” Hyukjae scolded when Kyuhyun squeezed his butt cheeks. “Yes you are!” He said frowning lightly.
“Okay I am.” Kyuhyun admitted leaning closer to Hyukjae. “But who wouldn’t when I have the most beautiful person with me?”
Hyukjae blushed. “Let’s just finish showering okay Kyu?” He asked hopeful.
Kyuhyun smirked. “I’m not that sure of that.” He said finally capturing Hyukjae’s lips hungrily with his. “Oh Hyukkie.” He exclaimed when they parted away. “I can’t believe I love you so much.”
Hyukjae smiled warmly. “I love you too Kyu.” He said caressing Kyuhyun’s cheeks. “So much I could give up on everything just for me to be by your side.”
Kyuhyun smiled back. “Let’s always be together Hyukkie.” He said hugging Hyukjae lovingly. “Let’s never part away again; my life was a living hell without you by my side, I thought I would die just because I couldn’t see you.” Kyuhyun’s voice started to crack remembering those times. “I swore I wouldn’t let you go again if I ever saw you again.”
“Then you have to keep on that promise Kyu.” Hyukjae said smiling and giving Kyuhyun a soft kiss in his lips.
“Do not suppress it-that would hurt you inside. Do not express it-this would not only hurt you inside, it would cause ripples in your surroundings. What you do is transform it.”
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When Hyukjae and Kyuhyun stepped out of the bathroom; they decided to just change themselves and go have some breakfast.
The day went like that; even when Hyukjae couldn’t find calmness; Kyuhyun would make sure to distract him however he could.
It was already darkening and Hyukjae was even more nervous that ever; he kept on throwing up and he definitely didn’t know what to do. He called Heechul and Leeteuk a thousand times asking if they were fine; he couldn’t help but feel alarmed even when the latter told him they were perfectly fine.
“It’s okay Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun made sure to say every time Hyukjae went to throw up and called the others. “Nothing’s going to happen.”
How can I be sure nothing will happen? Hyukjae would ask every time in his mind.
The day was darkening and Hyukjae would just feel worst; he just wanted the day to go by without him noticing; by that time, he already had some hopes Alexander didn’t mean what he said. Maybe he was just over reacting.
Hyukjae’s hopes proved wrong when his cell phone rang; revealing the only number he had saved there.
Alexander.
“I didn’t know you changed your phone Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said trying to lift the mood when he noticed Hyukjae froze completely; tension all written in his face as his shaky hand grabbed the ringing object.
I didn’t. Hyukjae wanted to answer; but he couldn’t.
Hyukjae pressed the answer button and took the object to his ear slowly; as if not wanting anything to be said through it. He couldn’t help but panic when Kyuhyun’s cell phone rang at the same time they were there.
“H-Hello?” Hyukjae answered nervously; his voice coming out as a mere whisper; his heart beating as fast as possible. Hyukjae’s body hurt, his disease made him hurt every time the normal conditions of his body were disturbed. And being all tensed up as Hyukjae was, was enough for his body to ache completely, his blood seemed to be heavier than usual. Hyukjae could feel the pain in his arms and legs, knowing his blood was sick and his body wouldn’t last long enough as to keep on going.
Minho said him he had at least ten years more of living; but Hyukjae knew better; those years became months and weeks as time passed without him getting treatment.
“Hey Hyukjae.” The other line said calmly and mockingly at the same time; Hyukjae’s breathing because hurtful as he heard Kyuhyun’s conversation too.
“What do you want Onew?” Kyuhyun asked annoyed while peeking at Hyukjae’s tensed body. “WHAT?!” He exclaimed standing up abruptly and looking at Hyukjae puzzle.
“I think by this time he already knows.” Alexander said laughing when he heard Kyuhyun’s yells.
“W-What’s happening?” Hyukjae asked lowly not only to Alexander, but to Kyuhyun too.
“Do you want me to tell you or should I let your boyfriend do it for me?” Alexander laughed again and Hyukjae looked at Kyuhyun’s horrified face.
“Go get them!” Kyuhyun yelled by the phone. “Find them NOW!” He ordered hysterically.
“K-Kyu?” Hyukjae called feeling his stomach revolve and his legs were no longer responding him. Kyuhyun just threw a peek on him and turned once again to give orders by the phone “Kyu! Please tell me what’s happening!” He whined when he heard no response from Kyuhyun; panic all written in his face as his body anticipated the answer.
“I’ll tell you this Hyuk.” Alexander said and Hyukjae just stayed silent; frozen in his own spot. “Come with me and everything’s going to be alright.” He said chuckling and Hyukjae just opened his eyes widely. “Do you hear that?” Alexander asked and Hyukjae’s heart stopped.
“Hyung!” Hyukjae could hear a voice calling from the other side of the phone, more like crying; a painfully familiar voice.
“R-Ryeowook…” Hyukjae murmured with tears already forming in his eyes. “What are you doing to him?!” Hyukjae screamed desperately.
“Nothing… for now. He’s stronger than he seems to be…” Alexander said and Hyukjae clinched his fist in anger and desperation. “But here’s my favorite!” Alexander squealed and Hyukjae narrowed his eyes; trying to focus and not letting his body take over him.
“Yah!” Hyukjae opened his eyes widely when he heard Heechul’s voice.
“Umma!” Hyukjae yelled frustrated he could do nothing right in that moment.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” Heechul yelled annoyed and Hyukjae couldn’t manage to picture what was exactly happening. “Yah! Ahh!” Hyukjae’s heart skip a beat. Heechul’s screams of pain when enough as for decide he would do anything just to keep them fine.
“STOP IT!” Hyukjae yelled calling Kyuhyun’s attention that looked at him worried and panicked at the same time. “Just tell me what do I have to do and I’ll do it!” Hyukjae said with tears already falling all over his cheeks.
“Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun called when he heard Hyukjae’s sentence. “Don’t-”
“I’ll do it.” Hyukjae said and he could only feel Kyuhyun’s hands on his shoulder; shaking him lightly as if trying to wake him up. “I’ll be there.”
“No Hyukkie!” Kyuhyun yelled when Hyukjae ended the call. “You won’t go anywhere!” He yelled grabbing Hyukjae’s wrist and holding him tightly. “I won’t let you go never!”
“I have to go Kyu…” Hyukjae murmured trying to release himself.
Kyuhyun felt scared by Hyukjae’s blank look; it was as if Hyukjae just sold his soul to the devil. “Hyukkie…” Kyuhyun called softly; he was worried like hell too. “I already have thousands of men looking for them; you don’t have to do this!”
“It is my fault Kyuhyun!” Hyukjae yelled finally crying out loud. “This wouldn’t be happening if I would make the right things!”
“Hyuk-”
“Let me go Kyuhyun.” Hyukjae threatened and Kyuhyun found himself releasing Hyukjae’s wrist. Scared by Hyukjae’s eyes that told him he would never see him again. “Please stay here.” Hyukjae said looking down at his hands. “I’m sorry Kyu.” He turned up again to face Kyuhyun; his eyes full of tears as he leaned closer to kiss Kyuhyun in the lips. “But I really want you to be fine.”
That kiss tasted like fire. Kyuhyun’s heart burnt when he felt Hyukjae was greeting him goodbye; he couldn’t help but feel scared that that kiss felt like the last kiss they would ever have. A warm tear fell down from Kyuhyun’s eyes as his hands made his way to Hyukjae’s waist; as if not wanting to let the latter go ever. But that kiss too, was the thing that made Kyuhyun decide he wasn’t going to let Hyukjae go just like that. He decided in that right moment that he was going fight for his love and that for the very first time; he would be the one protecting Hyukjae.
“I will go with you.” Kyuhyun said not letting Hyukjae’s body get away from his. “If I can’t make you stay; I will go.”
“No Kyu-”
“I don’t mind and you won’t change my mind.” Kyuhyun said firmly. “Please Hyukkie…” He pleaded. “Being without you is like a living hell; I would prefer to die before being without you…”
“Don’t say that Kyu…” Hyukjae cried. “You’re healthy and have a life ahead. Please promise me you will live happily.”
“I don’t.” Kyuhyun said. “Because I would lie to you.” He said now taking Hyukjae’s hands. “Let’s go.” He ordered and Hyukjae decided there was no time to lose; he just nodded and prayed for Kyuhyun to be okay.
“Thanks Kyu.” Hyukjae said softly as Kyuhyun drove as fast as he could towards the place Hyukjae was avoiding for six years.
“There no way I will lose you Hyukkie.” Kyuhyun said as he focused in the road; dodging cars and going as fast as he could. “Not again.” He said firmly while his hand squeezed Hyukjae’s.
"When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity."
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A/N: I'll update next chapter sooner that you think!! keke
Enjoy reading!
Short chapter I know~~ but I'll update soon so that's good right?
^^'
thanks for reading!!
LOVE YA~~